This jewel is from Kristin A. Schuler-Hintz, Esq. ,GORDON D. CRUSE, APLC of San Diego, who kindly granted permission to repost. While it is San Diego specific, I have seen a Louisville one recently, and have inserted the local corresponding neighborhoods. The attached graphics at the end are funny, too. I don't tell lawyer jokes and I don't listen to lawyer jokes, but I always am on the lookout for something on the light side around holiday weekends. As with much humor, there is surely something offensive for all.
"The San Diego Barbie Collection
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie dolls for the San Diego California market.
La Costa (St. Matthews)Barbie
Princess Barbie is only sold at the brand new La Costa Forum. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, and a longhaired dog named Honey. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift.
Optional Tennis Ken, complete with balls, available for a handsome price.
Rancho Bernardo Barbie & Ken
Modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with hatchback SUV (moon roof optional) and matching shopping outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Set of traffic-jamming cell phones included. (Headsets sold separately). We think Ken has a job, but we’re not sure.
This babe is hot. She works at Main Attraction to help make rent, as she cohabitates with her hot bi-sexual lover, Tracy (pictured at far right). Available only in set. Sexual accessories available with presentation of appropriate ID.
Escondido (Portland) Barbie
Recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a desert/river ready lifted truck with dark tinted windows and oversized tires (600 W subwoofer sold separately). Barbie drug money available separately as well. This model and accessories are available only after dark and can only be paid for in cash, preferably in small, untraceable bills. If this Barbie appears a little tweaked out, it’s because she is.
Del Mar (Anchorage) Barbie
Yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible (shown) or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership. Options available with this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper with glazed eyed neo-nazi persona. You won't be able to afford any of them.
Pale model comes dressed in her own tacky Wrangler Jean shorts, (two sizes too small), a NASCAR jacket (with nothing underneath), and a Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set (Coors light emblem sold separately). She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
La Jolla Barbie & Ken
Collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard-print blouse with $600 St. Johns matching slacks (matching Ken and Barbie set sold separately). She leaves Ken to drink cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the beach house or basking in the sun in her $450 high-end designer bathing suit. Percocet prescription also available (sold separately).
“High on Percocet” LaJolla Barbie, pictured at right, also available.
La Mesa (Fairdale) Barbie
Tobacco-chewing, dyed blonde Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Lemon Grove Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home (purchased separately).
Leucadia (Highlands) Barbie
Doll is fashioned from actual tofu. She has short straight hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, scant makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She can be found naked on the beach, seeking the “natural” feeling. When in this state, she prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Leucadia Barbie's and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a coupon for a free wheat-grass smoothie at any Whole Food's Market.
National City (Newburg) Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus & trolley pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Poway Barbie (a.k.a Stepford Barbie)
She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is because he's always away working and probably stuck somewhere on the I-15 (north or southbound; it doesn’t matter anymore). More provocative Poway Barbie (shown at far right) also available, complete with Poway Barbie hot tub (for those hot Poway nights).
Chula Vista Barbie
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a pick up truck loaded 10 feet high with mattresses. Green cards are not available for Chula Vista Barbie or Ken.
Hillcrest Barbie/Ken/Roger/Ron, etc. etc.
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts. This Barbie is very tolerant of Ken’s bisexual life style, often joining in on the fun.
Pictured to the right are Ken with Roger, and the recently introduced Matt and cross-bearing Ron (anatomically accurate), and the recently added Transgender Barbie (we’re told that Transgender Barbie is also anatomically accurate, but we are not sure what this means ???? ).
Bonus: free rainbow flag with proof of purchase sticker along with valuable discount coupons to all "F" street bookstores.
North Island Naval Barbie
This Barbie lives a regimented lifestyle during the week. But come the weekend, she can really let her hair down (pictured at far right). She comes equipped with her optional lesbian lover, Daniel (also pictured at the far right). (Lesbian lover Daniel and lesbian play set each sold separately).
Camp Pendleton Barbie
This Marine Layer is the hottest new edition to the SD Barbie Collection. Once she marries soldier Ken, watch her double in size, become sedentary, and stay that way for the rest of her Big Barbie life (pictured at far right). Comes with an extra set of fatigues (in XXX large).
Big Bear Barbie
Available only on the weekends, this Barbie comes fully equipped with all ski accessories for the slopes. Ski lodge sexual fantasy outfit is sold separately, but includes mandatory birth control pills (both pictured at far right).
Rancho Bernardo or Poway Ken may be interchanged as Big Bear Barbie’s weekend lover, as each can utilize the
excuse that they are out of town for a business trip on the weekend to promote their affair with Big Bear Barbie.
Mira Mesa Barbie
This Asian Barbie is shorter and more petite than other Barbies. She comes with lavender colored nails and owns her own nail salon (sold separately). Nail polish accessories also sold separately.
San Ysidro Barbie
Green Card xxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxx
This year introduces a new line of Hispanic Barbies; this is Donia Maria Barbie. She resides in the guest house of any Del Mar Barbie. She is very skilled on taking care of Ken and Barbie’s offspring. Tortilla maker accessory (pictured at right) sold separately. Authentic green card is not included, though counterfeit can be obtained for 50 bucks at the local meat market or roadside vegetable stand.
El Cajon Barbie
Check out the “strung out on meth look”. This Barbie lives in her very own trailer (sold separately) and hustles herself for drug money (shown in police line-up after arrest at far right).
This new edition hangs out near the tattoo parlors in the Gaslamp District. Tattoo kit sold separately. If desirable, you can pretend she is in to bondage (whips, bondage rope, masks and gag rope all sold separately,
shown at right).
Downtown SD Homeless Barbie
This Barbie comes with her own shopping cart, full of scavenged items (all sold separately). Father Joe’s shelter also available (donations accepted).
Julian Bed & Breakfast Barbie and Ken
Ken really likes this arrangement, as he and Barbie finally get away for the weekend. Here, Ken gets reacquainted with the sensation of warm apple pie, without evening having to buy one.
Alpine Barbie and Ken
This Barbie and Ken pair are campy and industrious. Comes with replica of homemade hot tub, welded by Ken from junkyard galvanized steel scrap. Comes only in Avacodo green as Ken used paint leftover from painting the kitchen thirty years ago. Accessories include the Alpine Barbie and Ken home (sold separately for a reasonable price). Additional accessories include gas masks for those days when the air quality if exceptionally poor.
Match.com Internet San Diego Barbie
This newest addition to the Barbie clan comes equipped with her own web cam and one year subscription to match.com, the popular internet dating service. She describes herself as affluent, though most of her listed income is generated from alimony. The picture that Barbie has posted (pictured at right) is 10 years old. The actual Barbie is much larger than this, which you learn upon receipt (available by mail order only). Her on-line profile frequently employs the use of the word “princess” and she seeks a Ken with a minimum income of $150,000+. Children sold separately (we’re not sure how many there really are) and are available on a 60/40 time share only.
Carmel Valley Barbie
This new addition to our set wanted to be a Del Mar Barbie, but lacked the financial resources; she thus became a member of the rapidly expanding (and overcrowded) Carmel Valley Barbie clan. This Barbie comes equipped with her twins (Lauren and Ashley) in their dual stroller; Barbie is often seen aggressively pushing her twins up inclines in an effort to regain her "pre-baby" figure. Accessories include: the brand new I-5 highway kit, complete with the 805 I-5 northbound merge expansion set [which is where Barbie can usually be found, sitting in her oversized gas-guzzling SUV (sold separately), having waited too long to leave the UTC shopping center on her daily shopping spree]. Other accessories include the new line of box-like track housing kits, each complete with 10 small palms trees (selling price will be roughly four times their actual value). The house comes equipped with nothing; plumbing and electrical wiring provided as options. Garage sold separately for storage of worthless items that Barbie has not used for years. NOTE: This Barbie can only be purchased with a heavily taxed charge card; cash is not accepted. "