Shared Parenting: Ultimate Power Tool of a Controlling or Abusive Parent

"What influences women when they are making child custody decisions that will bring them into future contact with a violent or controlling ex-husband? Fear, pragmatism, and the belief--sometimes reinforced in mandated divorce education classes--that their children will suffer if both parents are not in their lives, according to a University of Illinois study in the August Journal of Social and Personal Relationships," reported in Medical News Today, Child Custody With Abusive Ex-spouse? Study Shows How Women Decide
"Women also feared courtroom dynamics and a lengthy custody battle. One participant said, 'Get me into a courtroom where they're going to grill me and ask me questions and it's frightening. I don't like that grilling; it's very reminiscent of what he did to me for many, many years. I didn't fight it. I did like I always do. I backed down,' she continued. 'I thought he was going to drag this out until I'm 100 years old."
Thanks to Janet Jangjahr's Shared Parenting: Ultimate Power Tool of a Controlling or Abusive Parent in her Florida Divorce Law Blog for finding this study.

Comments

[Steven Vogl]

Nobody likes to be on the receiving end of an abusive relationship, especially one which includes co-parenting. Horror stories can always be showcased to exemplify situations that exist on the "worse case" end of the spectrum. What would be refreshing is to see this very important topic talked about in terms of one abusive parent/ex-spouse and the other parent/ex-spouse without describing it in terms of abusive men claiming their right to parent against non abusive women.
The issue of how children should be parented after divorce is such an important one. When it is "genderized", it tends to exclude instead of being inclusive. And, it diverts the discussion toward one of gender politics, not nurturing parenting.
Sure there are abusive Fathers who argue for shared parenting in order to perpetuate the abuse, and, of course, there are Mothers who allege abuse or unfit parenting, or are themselves abusive, in an attempt to prevent shared parenting. The sooner we can see it as a parenting issue and not just a gender issue, the sooner we will be able to help the children.