Divorce Law Journal

All Your Favorite Love Songs, Divorce Style

A comment from a reader, Billy Riggs, lead us to Divorce Tunes and these very funny parodies:
"To All The Girls I Could Have Loved"
"Only You, That's All You Think Of"
"The Winds Between My Cheeks"
"Are You Loathsome Tonight"
"You Clog Up My Senses"
"You Dried Up My Life"
"I'm Gonna Hate You Forever"

A Weekend Laugh

It seems like a long time since we've had a long weekend or a weekend laugh. If you agree it's time for something on the light side, check out Sexual Consent Lawyers at Glubert.com. This is a video clip, so here's the link if that works better in your browser: http://glumbert.com/media/consent Thanks to Ed Hamada for posting this to the ABA Family Law Listserve.

How Do You Decide Whom To Marry?

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (written by kids)

(1) You've got to find somebody who likes the same stuff as you do. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports.
-- Alan, age 10

(2) Nobody really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it for you all the way before, and you get to find out, much later, who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You've got to be a fool to get married.
-- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at each other at the same time.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure?)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that
-- Curt, age 7

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
-- Theodore, age 8

(2) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you my child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kevin, age 8

And the #1 favourite is ....

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

Thanks to Douglas J. Sanderson of Fairfax, VA for passing these on and granting permission to reprint. I intened to post before the Labor Day weekend, but I guess it's never too late for a little humor!

Barbie Humor

This jewel is from Kristin A. Schuler-Hintz, Esq. ,GORDON D. CRUSE, APLC of San Diego, who kindly granted permission to repost. While it is San Diego specific, I have seen a Louisville one recently, and have inserted the local corresponding neighborhoods. The attached graphics at the end are funny, too. I don't tell lawyer jokes and I don't listen to lawyer jokes, but I always am on the lookout for something on the light side around holiday weekends. As with much humor, there is surely something offensive for all.

More Divorce Tunes For The Holiday Weekend

The ABA Family Law Listserve has a recent thread on songs relating to divorce. There are many to add to the posting of country music divorce songs we did a few weeks ago. Thanks to all for permission to reprint!

The top 25 according to Charlie Abut, New Jersey, publisher of the New Jersey Family Law blog:
25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
24. Your Teeth Was Stained, But Your Heart Was Pure
23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
21. I Just Bought A Car From The One That Stole My Love, But The Car
Don't Run, So I Figure We Got An Even Deal
20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
17. I Wouldn't Take You To A Dog Fight, Not Even If You Had A Chance To
Win
16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
14. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You

13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two on You
12. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You
9. You Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Her/Him
8. Please Bypass This Heart
7. You Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
4. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
3. You're Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles
2. You're Looking Better After Every Beer
1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Anybody Ugly But I've Sure Woke Up With A
Few"

From Kristin Schuler-Hintz:
"To this I add:

50 Ways to leave your Lover
After the Love is Gone
Ain't No Sunshine
All by Myself
Paradise by the Dashboard Light (Meatloaf)
Another one bites the dust (Queen)

Every Day a Little Death (from A Little Night Music. Actually come to think of it, add the whole soundtrack "Now Later Soon" Glamorous Life; Remember? You Must Meet My Wife; Liaisons, In Praise of Women, Every Day a Little Death, Weekend in the Country, It Would Have Been Wonderful, Perpetual Anticipation, Send in the Clowns, Miller's Son

La Boheme - We all meet, fall in love, use other people, and eventually die
Madama Butterfly - Marry the wrong guy, get left with nothing, give up your son and die

And the one that we all think every day "People are Strange" The Doors.

I actually have a playlist on IPOD of "Office Music" all the music that is break up related. I play it softly in the background. I thought of suggesting that we put in our hold music................."

And from David Schaffer,Naperville, Ilinois:
"Need songs with lyrics, too, please."

From John Crouch, Arlington, Virginia

"There's a pop song called "I won't pay". I think it's British. It expresses vehemently the modern attitude that spouses have an obligation to support themselves, not each other.

Louis Jordan, "Somebody done changed the lock on that door."
Ray Charles, 'Hit the road, Jack."
[above are performers, not necessarily the songwriters]

"Don't you want me baby" -- prissy, annoying song that begins, 'She was working as a waitress in the local bar'

Then there's the one where the tag line is "That Ain't My Truck." That's my house, my kids, my woman, my dog, but that ain't my truck.

Bob Noone -- who should be required listening for anyone who has read this far, has recorded "Breakin' Up Is REALLY Hard To Do", "UPWARDLY MOBILE LOVE", "BLAME IT ON THE VIAGRA". See http://www.lawsongs.com/

Finally, my cousin Philip Heald, former deejay/family lawyer/general practitioner in Ironton, Ohio, has a great song about domestic violence called "I am the Man in Charge of You." I don't know if he has recorded it. "

Thanks to all!

On the Light Side - Country Divorce Tunes

Many years ago, Kathy Revell, the daughter of Retired Judge Richard Revell (she was also his secretary at the time) circulated this country divorce song quiz. We have added to her list of love gone wrong tunes starting with #32, following her list of artists. Divorce is about as sad a field of law as an attorney sees, so you have to find a little humor where you can! We never run out of projects, but one that has been on the list for a long time is to download these songs. Maybe this blog will be the perfect place for such a repertoire.

When Good Love Goes Bad . . .
How Many Recording Artists Can You
Match With These Songs?